2007년 09월 07일
A Worrier and A Thinker
This one would be...... my third or fourth journal.
It is big a problem that I have written only four journals so far.
However, this is a more serious problem that I already have nothing to say.
I visited egloos and naver blogs of some of my friends and did witness that they were profuse with long sentences and beautiful pictures.
I wanted to be as creative and deep thoughted as my friends, but I couldn't.
I feel like I had an oasis filled with my thoughts, and now that oasis is totally dried up. I cannot help it.
Mr. Hatfield taught us William Faulkner's stream of consciousness.
In his lecture, he consoled us who were suffering from mental disorder of enigmatic plot of the novel by saying that Faulkner wrote his novels by incessantly bringing up whatever came into his mind.
Though some critics condemn him for being too much disorganized, I was completely green with him because nowadays I was never able to find myself deeply indulging in thinking. Just any kinds of thinking.
Of course, I do think about college admission more than a hundred times a day.
I worry about my horrible SAT score, tiresome applications, exhaustive essays, and everything else related to college.
However, I really hate it when those 'worries' are viewed as 'thoughts.' It seems to me that regarding worries as thoughts is even blasphemous.
It is an UNDENIABLE truth that college admission is the impending problem for every senior KMLA student.
To exaggerate a little bit, admission would probably determine our destiny for about next four years.
Therefore, no one dares to look down on this problem and tries to be as prudent and cautious as possible.
Nevertheless, I don't want to be meticulously obsessed with all the worries and apprehensions about college admission.
There are millions of things that are truly essential to my future, and I don't want to just confine myself in college, which is very crucial, but a mere part of my future as well.
Talking and worrying only about college admission all day sound somewhat shortsighted and even unattractive to me.
I’m probably making too much light of the hardship of overcoming the huddles named admission.
I probably have not taken any serious consideration about my dream university and my future at all and thus, I may not be as well prepared as my peers are.
Nevertheless, I don’t want to worship or adore the universities just as some guys actually do.
Sometimes, they seem to be showing even servile, blind admiration for their dream schools and conforming themselves to meet the expectations of the universities.
I really despise to be a college addict like them.
I have my own identity, character, style, taste, standard and way, and the university that I would enter can never tell the others who exactly I am.
But the biggest problem is that I myself is becoming a guy like that.
What I think everyday is how I can write more persuasive essays, get higher scores on SAT and write out better applications.
I want to be a thinker, not a worrier.
Even if to be a thinker means just to wonder what’s for the dinner, when to play basketball, what to do after the self study time or just to think about any minor things, I still believe that to be a worrier is no fun at all. Worrying all day is truly unappealing. Isn't it?
It is big a problem that I have written only four journals so far.
However, this is a more serious problem that I already have nothing to say.
I visited egloos and naver blogs of some of my friends and did witness that they were profuse with long sentences and beautiful pictures.
I wanted to be as creative and deep thoughted as my friends, but I couldn't.
I feel like I had an oasis filled with my thoughts, and now that oasis is totally dried up. I cannot help it.
Mr. Hatfield taught us William Faulkner's stream of consciousness.
In his lecture, he consoled us who were suffering from mental disorder of enigmatic plot of the novel by saying that Faulkner wrote his novels by incessantly bringing up whatever came into his mind.
Though some critics condemn him for being too much disorganized, I was completely green with him because nowadays I was never able to find myself deeply indulging in thinking. Just any kinds of thinking.
Of course, I do think about college admission more than a hundred times a day.
I worry about my horrible SAT score, tiresome applications, exhaustive essays, and everything else related to college.
However, I really hate it when those 'worries' are viewed as 'thoughts.' It seems to me that regarding worries as thoughts is even blasphemous.
It is an UNDENIABLE truth that college admission is the impending problem for every senior KMLA student.
To exaggerate a little bit, admission would probably determine our destiny for about next four years.
Therefore, no one dares to look down on this problem and tries to be as prudent and cautious as possible.
Nevertheless, I don't want to be meticulously obsessed with all the worries and apprehensions about college admission.
There are millions of things that are truly essential to my future, and I don't want to just confine myself in college, which is very crucial, but a mere part of my future as well.
Talking and worrying only about college admission all day sound somewhat shortsighted and even unattractive to me.
I’m probably making too much light of the hardship of overcoming the huddles named admission.
I probably have not taken any serious consideration about my dream university and my future at all and thus, I may not be as well prepared as my peers are.
Nevertheless, I don’t want to worship or adore the universities just as some guys actually do.
Sometimes, they seem to be showing even servile, blind admiration for their dream schools and conforming themselves to meet the expectations of the universities.
I really despise to be a college addict like them.
I have my own identity, character, style, taste, standard and way, and the university that I would enter can never tell the others who exactly I am.
But the biggest problem is that I myself is becoming a guy like that.
What I think everyday is how I can write more persuasive essays, get higher scores on SAT and write out better applications.
I want to be a thinker, not a worrier.
Even if to be a thinker means just to wonder what’s for the dinner, when to play basketball, what to do after the self study time or just to think about any minor things, I still believe that to be a worrier is no fun at all. Worrying all day is truly unappealing. Isn't it?
# by | 2007/09/07 21:59 | hi | 트랙백 | 덧글(1)
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